another moral hangover. fuck.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
two words...techno handjob
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
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