Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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