So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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