the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
