happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
