Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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