i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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