no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
