i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
