you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
