plz talk dirty to me
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
