Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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