The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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