He disabled his match.com account in front of me
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
