Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He did a backflip because drugs
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
