Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just puked most of my soul out..
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
