I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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