shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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