i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
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His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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