so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
