the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
