if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
