hotel room ftw
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
