Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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