This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
