could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
