If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
