how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
