Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
