You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Michael Bay diarrhea
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
