I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
