i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
