we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
