If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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