The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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