just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
