I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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