He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
