Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
