i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize