We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
