Christians are straight up FREAKS
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Don't EVER smell your tampon
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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