At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
