Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
