I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
