Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
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