This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
