The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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