she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
