and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
