Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
babies were throwing up all over the place
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
