found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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