This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
