You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
