we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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