god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
