My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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