i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
