u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
