i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
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Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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