Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
