Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
