I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
