apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
