You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
