but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
