i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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