The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
