i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
