goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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