Got a toothbrush?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
