He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
