Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize