There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
