He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
